Theoretically Homo Pudge And Ronny: Chapter 21

Ronny flipped through the pages of Pudge's old bible. Pudge's notes were everywhere, in pencil because of the thinness of the paper. At twelve years old, he had gotten a new one for his birthday, he had said, and acted as if he was giving Ronny something very meaningful. Ronny had not know what to say at the time, and wasn't too fond of what it symbolized--or rather the kind of people that it reminded him of. But for some reason he had been unable to throw it out, though he certainly had no interest in reading it at all. At least not the original content, anyway.
It was a children's bible, but he had been invited to a children's class, after all. And now he wouldn't feel so weird and naked at the church, he hoped.
Ronny ran his hands over Pudge's writing, imagining Pudge touching the book, writing in it, wondering if Pudge ever thought of him during these times--he had given it to him, after all. He pictured the look of joy on Pudge's face when he gave this bible to him, with a little trepidation, that his gift might be rejected. He wondered if Pudge had that same look of happiness on his face while reading it. He couldn't ever imagine having a look of joy on his own face, while trying to read a bible. But he hoped Pudge got as much enjoyment from it as he had said he did. It was always nice to see Pudge happy.
No! His daydreams scared him. Pudge was another guy. Ronny didn't have anything against gay guys, but that didn't mean he wanted to be one! He had always thought of himself as straight, as...well, as bad as it sounded, he had thought of himself as "normal."
He wasn't even comfortable around gay guys. Well, except for one, but Pudge seemed like a regular guy, except for the religious fanaticism. But Pudge scared him, lately. Or rather, he scared himself.
"I can't be gay!" he said aloud. "My life will be so much harder!"
Even if he was fully okay with it (which he knew he should be, but he didn't feel okay with it, for so many reasons), his life would be so much more difficult. He could get fired--it was legal in his state--not to mention having to tell his parents. That was if he even found someone in such a rural and small-town area. Not to mention if someone wanted to commit a hate crime against him. And what if he fell in love with a man who wanted to put things up his butt?
"How can it be a choice? How could anyone choose this?" he demanded.
Ronny couldn't stand to think about these things right now. He just had to get through the next few days, dealing with the fundies.
He went into his bedroom, hiding Pudge's bible protectively in his sock drawer. Pudge wouldn't put things up his butt; he was way too shy. He would probably never get laid, with Pudge. Maybe being around Pudge wasn't so scary, after all. He could never really fall in love with a man who never put out, right?
"What is happening to me?" he asked himself quietly. "I still like girls! But..."
But he looked forward to seeing Pudge in church tomorrow--one of the few things actually good about tomorrow. Pudge actually looked pretty handsome in a suit and tie.
Ronny changed his mind, and took out the bible again, setting it on his bedside table so he could still see it and feel it. He had mixed feelings about what it was--but it was something belonging to Pudge, something Pudge had loved and spent so much time on, so it was a treasure.
Absent-mindedly he emptied out his pockets, his thoughts preoccupied. As he reached for his keys, a piece of paper brushed against his fingertips. He pulled it out. It was a small gospel tract, acquired at work, which he had forgotten about until now.
"Fucking Acehole," he nearly spat, throwing it in the garbage.