A few weeks ago, I talked about homophobic Christians who wanted to sentence gay people to a lifetime of loneliness and celibacy, while they themselves wanted marriage and sex. I found out that they don't like it when I say, "If it bothers you that gay people do not commit to lifelong celibacy, then I invite you to lead by example."
They either try to ignore it and argue other points, in which case I force them to answer me, threatening to stop engaging with them if they don't--or the conversation ends right there! I have never had a homophobic person answer my challenge, unless I forced them to do it. Much less actually commit to lifelong celibacy. One guy threw a fit and left, and another guy in the same conversation quietly dropped out, not wanting what I was serving to his buddy.
But I have recently found yet another question, that is like Homophobe Repellent in a can. And it really surprised me. I thought for sure that it would be a very easy one to answer, even if they were saying, "Yes, of course! But I'm still right!"
But I've trotted it out a few times, and have never gotten a response to it. When I tried to force one guy to answer it, he left, and I haven't heard from him in almost a whole day--very unusual for him. He seems to have left the conversation.
This question is, "Are you open to God's leading, in case you are wrong on this issue?"
I thought this would be simple, a no-brainer. I always said, when arguing "as" a gay Christian (and yes, I know this blog's web address has the word "atheist" in the title, but it's complicated, and I don't feel like I'm lying), "I am open to God's leading, if I am wrong. Are YOU open to God's leading, in case you are wrong?"
And apparently, they are not.
Now, I honestly don't know what I would do, if I found out God was in fact anti-gay. But I think that would be morally wrong, no matter who did it. It is wrong to throw people in hell for something that harms no one and actually brings a lot of love and joy to millions of people--including the children who would not exist (surrogates) or not have a home otherwise (adoption).
I know that the "right" thing would be to defy God, even if it meant hell. But I don't know what I'd actually do. But regardless of that conflict, I do want to know the truth, whatever it is.
And these people apparently don't. I get no answer at all, not even one in which they say yes, but then tell me how right they are.
I hope that this is a good sign. I hope that this means that I'm making them think. But I can't know for sure.
I like to say, "If you think you can't be wrong, then you might as well call yourself God and worship yourself." No one is perfect but God, after all. I've never gotten any response to this statement, either.
I'm going to try to figure out why they don't answer me. But how to do that? They may not give me an honest answer, or any answer. And I'm not sure I should press it, if I am making them think.
When I was trying so hard to get close to God, I prayed almost constantly, "God, just show me the truth, whatever it is." I always liked to ask, "What if God/the bible/Christianity/Jesus is actually like this...?" I always wondered what pastors or evangelicals got wrong, and if they were wrong on big and small issues. I thought it was terrible to not try to find out whatever was the truth, in spite of your own traditions and biases.
I guess that was rare. Of course I thought I could be sinning by asking too many questions, but I hoped God would understand that I was just trying to find the truth.
I'm still just trying to find the truth, and I will never stop searching, no matter how certain I feel that I've found it. Life is a constant learning process, and if you don't learn, you will stagnate. I think that's true of one's spiritual life as well, if one has a spiritual life.
And I trust that if God is real, and he or she is good, that they will know that I'm just trying to find the truth, and to love others and not hurt them. I trust God more than most conservative Christians I've encountered, in fact. :)
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