My mom didn't make me get rid of all this stuff. I bought into all of this just as much as she did, and I was very desperate to have the close, joyful relationship with God that I had always wanted--that was promised to me, if I got born again and REALLY meant it! (Though I get saved, many times--so many times that I eventually sensed a pattern, and stopped because I knew exactly what would happen and was tired of the pattern.)
So I got rid of a lot of things and movies that I had really enjoyed. It was hard to do, but I had to give up everything for God. This world would be hard, if one was a Christian, but it beat the fiery alternative. And I had to love God more than anything, or I was shallow and selfish and not a "real" Christian. I didn't want to be any of those things, either. And I really did want to feel close to God and to please him.
I also got rid of some things that I didn't think were demonic, but that were "idols," I thought, because I loved them and thought about them too much. I got rid of my most precious possessions, my Toy Story toys. I was absolutely miserable--but if this didn't work, then nothing would! I had to find a way to be close to God, or I would never be happy in my relationship with him, and I might even "fall away" and go to hell.
About a year or two later, my mother and I couldn't believe how desperate we had been. And we had not felt any closer to God, for all of our efforts.
"I can't believe I got rid of so many things I loved," I shook my head, in much regret.
"Well, I hope you're not mad at me, but...I kept your Toy Story toys," she said.
I cannot begin to describe how relieved and thankful I was, then! I had them back! There were all of my old friends, who had been with me since I was very little. I even still have the Barney Bag that I have always stored them in!
I remember, before the madness of getting rid of them, that I had stayed up late literally every night, lying in my bed and thinking of new adventures for Woody and Buzz "in real life," where they were humans and not toys. They lived in the nineteenth century, and each had a family. Woody was the sheriff of the town, and they were neighbors. Woody also lived on a farm. He and Bo Peep were married, and he was always trying to catch Jesse James (not Jessie the cowgirl, who was his sister).
Toy Story was the first movie I went to see in the theaters, at five years old, and it literally had set the course for the rest of my life. I obsessed endlessly over two questions: When would Andy find out that his toys were alive? And when would they become real people?
Ninety percent of the time, my cousins and I played one of two games: Batman, and Toy Story. I always had to be Woody, even though I wasn't a boy. I invented such elaborate scenarios that I finally had to suggest that we play "non-stop," where we didn't stop to say something like "and pretend that Jessie James and Zurg were friends..." We never lasted more than one or two minutes like that, but it was fun.
Toy Story was what made me first start writing fiction, if only in my head. And writing fiction remains one of the great passions of my life, even now. It set the course for my entire life. I was still writing stories of Woody and Buzz in my head almost constantly, at twelve years old--and that's why I thought it was an idol and that God was surely displeased.
It's amazing to me now that something that brings me so much joy, could be considered a bad thing. If God is really worth knowing, wouldn't he want me to be happy? And if he doesn't want me to be so happy, is he really worth knowing?
I was taught to distrust my own gut and my own emotions, when they told me what I needed. I was afraid to trust myself and my own judgment, especially about right and wrong. But now I understand that I need to go back to the original source of my inspiration, if I'm going to be happy and fulfilled.
I have a theory on the Toy Story toys actually being haunted/reincarnated, which I published a week or two ago. There may be a flaw in that, because of the multiple Buzz Lightyears in the second movie, but in my opinion, the "second Buzz" had an entirely different personality from the "real" Buzz. So I'm still working on that one.
I also am writing a very long Toy Story fan fiction, about Woody and Buzz falling in love. There are no farms this time; it is set in the Buzz Lightyear of Star Command universe, and Woody is a wanted thief who kidnaps Buzz to sell him to his enemies--and he has made a lot of enemies, as a decorated Space Ranger!
It will be finished soon, and I will publish the chapters on my Deviant Art page--I'll let everyone know here when it is up. I usually like to write an entire story before publishing it, unlike with my other romance story, about the Accelerated Christian Education characters, Pudge and Ronny (that story is on the "Gay Christian Fanfiction" page at the top of the blog, or on my Deviant Art Page). I will continue writing the ACE story soon, too, though I am focusing on Toy Story for now. (I also have another story on my Deviant Art page, about Captain America's sidekick, Bucky, and his sister, a transgender Mary Marvel.)
This fascination with Toy Story may seem silly to a lot of people--but now that I can, I have to listen to my own gut and emotions, when they tell me what's right and wrong, or what I need in my life. There's nothing wrong with loving something, as I've discovered--and love is love, as Woody and Buzz will discover. I plan to include a lot of the other characters from the Toy Story movies, as well. A sci-fi setting, with all of its alien races, is perfect for such things. :)
And I'm especially glad that I still have my absolute, all-time favorite toys, because I've made them reenact some of the scenes in my upcoming story for you here:
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