Christian And "Christian"

I mentioned recently that anti-gay Christians want me to deny Christ, when I argue as a gay Christian. They brag that they would never, ever, EVER deny Christ, under penalty of torture or death, then they try to get me to do just that, because I don't fit their exact definition of a Christian.
Whenever I come across these awful people, my first thought is, "I know I'm more 'Christian' than they are!" I use this word to mean two different things, in my own mind, but in this case, I believe that I am a kinder and less angry person than they are. And probably closer to what Jesus actually taught.
I think of the word "Christian" sometimes to mean devoutness, or certainty. I am not as devout in behavior as some of my gay Christian friends, or as certain as them about God's existence.
But I also think of the word "Christian," to refer to one's character, behavior towards others, or likely closeness to what I believe Jesus's message really was.
I don't read the bible, and I don't offer up formal prayers. My reasons are that doing those things only makes me feel as frustrated and inadequate as a Christian as I felt for years while doing those things. It's "triggering," emotionally tiring, and upsetting for me. So I'm less devout, apparently, than some of my gay and affirming Christian friends (and I don't have Christian friends who aren't one of those things; the only anti-gay Christians I see, share some DNA with me, and I only see them when I have to).
But someone said to be as good and all-knowing as God, would know that it's not because I hate him, or whatever people want to accuse me of. I hope that God is real, if God is as I suspect, but I'm not going to count on that. I've trusted God--and nothing else--to catch me before, and have fallen really hard and gotten hurt.
I don't tell the people I occasionally argue with on the internet all of this, because it would instantly destroy my credibility with them (not that it's in great shape, anyway!), as well as that of much more devout gay Christians than I. It also has nothing to do with my sexuality, and it's none of their business.
But as far as being "Christian" (close to God, like Christ) goes, I think it involves much more than just the works. Paul talked about doing good works (not even praying and reading the bible, but actual good works like feeding the poor), "but if I have not love, I am nothing."
And the thing about love is, if the person you love doesn't feel loved, then you might as well not love them. It benefits no one, if your loved one feels unloved.
The next world may exist, but this one does exist. Anti-gay Christians are hurting people in this world, in the hopes of helping them in the next one (at best). But there may not be a next one.
In my research, I have found only two instances in scripture where Jesus actually told people to stop sinning. In one, he had just healed a man of chronic illness. In the other, he had just saved a sinful woman's life. He earned the right to talk about other people's sin, even though scripture says he was sinless himself. How many LGBT people can say that an anti-gay Christian saved their life, or made their lives better in a very significant way?
Jesus even told a man (the one lowered in from the roof) that his sins were forgiven, before the man had even said anything about repenting. He told sinners that "your faith has saved you," and "your faith has made you well." He did not even say "your repentance has saved you."
Jesus was not as "hard on sin" (and by that, they always mean the sins of others, never their own!) as some Christians want to think. The "goats" were condemned for their unkindness, the virgins for their unreadiness, the Pharisees for their hypocrisy--but as far as I can recall, no one was condemned for their actual sin. Jesus also said that "prostitutes and sinners will enter the kingdom of heaven before you," to the religious leaders. He did not say "repentant prostitutes and sinners..."
And if he was talking constantly about other people's sins, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have gotten invited to parties with sinners, much less had a great following among them.
I don't think Jesus would be like the people who talk about other people's sins (though never their own), and that's why I can think of myself as more "Christian" than them. If I'm wrong, then at least I tried to love people, and not hurt them in this life--which is the only life we are really guaranteed.
Like I said, the next world may exist, but this one does exist. So we shouldn't be hurting each other in this one, just because of our fear of the next one.