I did not know the shooter, but I am good friends with people who did. As far as I can tell, no one I know was hurt or killed.
My gay baby, "Harrison," is unharmed. My conservative-in-all-the-wrong-ways friend "Ruth" is unharmed. (I am glad, though I hate how she is a mixture of good and evil. She doesn't deserve death, she just deserves to have her rights taken away from her until she understands.)
The young man who danced with a loaf of bread after not being interested in me is unharmed. All of the people I have mentioned on this blog are unharmed.
The killer, Chris Harper Mercer, was to be a production assistant in my very first play in which I had been cast. When my mom learned of it, she had to lie down.
The play was called "Blithe Spirit" by Noel Coward. It was a comedy about a pesky ex-wife who is also a ghost. Given the subject matter, I am guessing that it will be cancelled now.
"I painted with him!" Ruth said.
Harrison's phone cracked the previous day, so they (I learned recently that Harrison is actually androgynous, and so goes by "they" and not "he") decided to go without it, on what turned out to be the worst possible day to do so. I was only worried for an hour or two, since I contacted someone who was sitting right next to them, on the bus, I presume. But others were worried, very much so. I tried to tell those people that Harrison was okay, whenever I saw someone asking about them.
I was at home at the time of the shooting. I have an afternoon class, and I was going to go to school later that day. My mom called and didn't even say hello before ordering me, "You are not going to school today!"
"Okay," I said, knowing something was wrong. "Why not?"
"There's been a shooting. Like, fifteen kids are dead!" (Supposedly, we now know it's only ten. "Only" ten.)
I went on Facebook to learn more, my heart sinking. Someone I barely knew messaged me, "Are you okay???" I said that I was.
There was a lot of frantic scrambling, on Facebook, to see if friends were all right. It was chaos. I decided it needed some organization, so I made a huge, long, public list of every name that I could find that was all right. I also made a special page, "List of Umpqua Community College Shooting Survivors," and updated both lists every time I found a new name. I knew that people I didn't even know would search for something like this, so I created that special page.
I was somewhat of a celebrity over the next few hours. People were liking my posts, sharing them all over. People commented, saying, "Thank you for doing this," "This is a blessing," etc. I have had four new friend requests, and people that I sent friend requests to months ago accepted.
"Where is Harrison??!!" somebody shouted.
"I saw his name on a list of people who were okay," someone else said.
"Yes, it is AJ's page," one of my friends informed them, mentioning me so that I could see her talking about me.
"I don't know, I just saw a screenshot of it," the former person said.
"Oh Ruth, I was so relieved to see your name on AJ's list!" gushed someone that I didn't even know, had never even heard of.
People gave me as many names as they could. Sometimes they would say, "My brother is all right," or "I saw Jane Doe's niece, Nancy." So I said, "A brother of John Doe, who is also confirmed unharmed, but whose name is unknown." I also said, "Nancy Doe--I believe it is Nancy Doe, she is the niece of Jane Doe." I listed their names even if they were total strangers to me.
I wanted to give as much hope to as many people as possible, and people were very grateful for it. I thought it was kind of cool that I had left my "gay pride" filter up, from the marriage equality ruling months ago. So total strangers knew that someone who could be gay was doing this.
I don't have nearly as much trauma and grief from this as some others, but I am feeling very shocked by this, in a sort of fog where I don't quite know what to do with myself. Suddenly, my hometown is famous, and not in a good way. Instead of struggling to pronounce, "Umpqua," people now know our name like they know Laramie and Columbine. I never thought I would ever be so close to the center of the action, especially this kind of action.
I don't know when the next family gathering is, but I assume my Uncle 'Phobe will probably ask me about it. If he mentions it, I will say, "Well, it wasn't the gays, because this lesbian wasn't on campus." (I'm bi, but it's not like he would know the difference.) I've just decided to come out to my family by being myself and making jokes about my gay self, whatever those jokes are at the moment.
There are rumors that the Westboro Baptist Church ("God hates fags" people) is going to attend the funerals. If you see any news videos, look for me, the girl in the bright pink t-shirt that says "Fag And Proud" and holding a sign that says "UCC Gay-Straight Alliance Club."
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