Not Hetero Pudge And Ronny: Chapter Fourteen

 This is my Accelerated Christian Education fan fiction, which has sixteen chapters so far. You can see all of it on the "ACE Gay Porn" page at the top of this site, or on my Deviant Art page here.


The knocking persisted.
"Who is it?" Marcy called, glancing at Pudge and trying to keep her composure.
"It's Ronny," said the voice from outside. "Um...Mrs McMercy?"
Marcy instinctively rushed to the door, grabbing Ronny and pulling him inside, as if it were dangerous out there.
Ronny looked frantically from one to the other, a frightened expression on his face, and Pudge was suddenly aware of how obvious it was that both he and his mother had been crying.
"Is something wrong?" Ronny asked. "What happened?"
"Nothing is wrong, Ronny," Marcy explained quickly. "It's just that...well, it's a little complicated, but nothing is really the matter, dear."
"But--did I come at a bad time?" he asked.
"No, honey, though I'm afraid we did forget that you were supposed to come by today."
"But--is everyone all right? Did something happen to someone?" Ronny was getting more upset and agitated by the minute.
Marcy put her hand on his arm. "It's all right, Ronny--really!" She glanced at Pudge, raising her eyebrows questioningly. Did Pudge want to tell him, or keep it to himself?
Ronny had a devastated, desperate look on his face. Suddenly Pudge remembered that look, from Ronny's accident, years ago, in which Suzy had been killed.
Ronny thinks someone has died! Pudge thought with sudden clarity. Ronny was probably still haunted by that experience; who wouldn't be?
Pudge knew what he had to do. "Ronny," he said decisively, standing up and taking a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. "Nothing is wrong. Nobody is hurt. We're just discussing...the fact that I'm gay!" he said quickly, before he lost the nerve.
Ronny was silent for a moment, mouth open, clearly stunned. "No one got hurt?" he repeated, as if half listening.
"No, honey, no one is hurt," Marcy reassured him.
Ronny seemed to suddenly realize something. "What--you're...?"
"Yes," Pudge nodded, looking Ronny square in the eye, and with a calm that surprised himself. "I am."
"And you're okay with this?" he asked incredulously, staring at Marcy.
"Yes," Marcy said softly, looking at Pudge. "I am okay with it. He's my son. I trust him."
Pudge nearly cried, so touched was he by her response. This was nothing like what he had expected!
"Thank you," he whispered hoarsely, not caring if Ronny heard.
"Huh. Wow," Ronny muttered. This was nothing like he had expected--this was nothing like he had gotten, and he hadn't even been homo!
...At the time, a small voice whispered inside his head. He ignored it, for now.
"So you're still going to that one church?" Ronny asked. "With the big steeple, and the dresses, and the...?" he trailed off, glancing at Mrs. McMercy's well-concealed ankles. 
"Yep," Pudge sighed. "Still going there!"
"And they're not okay with it?"
Pudge snorted in a rather bitter laugh. "Ha! You have no idea!"
"That is actually what we were just discussing," Marcy spoke up. "We will have to decide whether we want to continue going there..."
Pudge was surprised. Give up their church? He had grown up in that church! He had gotten saved, then baptized, then had prayed and learned and grown in that church. How was he supposed to give all that up? Maybe he could keep it a secret, and if he didn't give in to sin, it would all be okay.
But then again, he was uncomfortable when people started talking about "perverts" and homosexuals. This was HIM--but it wasn't him! He didn't want to sin! He wasn't one of those people they talked about, but he knew that if he told them, they would think he was. And if he told them, truthfully, otherwise, they would assume he was lying, and tell him so. He might even be kicked out or shunned. Even his boss at the grocery store went to that church...
He wasn't what they would assume he was--unless, of course, God had given him over to perversions already. A moment of fear briefly paralyzed him, until he tried to reassure himself. He didn't want to sin, and he hadn't sinned yet--at least, not with someone else, and not enough to be considered a "lifestyle"...he hoped.
"Maybe I should come back later?" Ronny was saying, pulling Pudge out of his thoughts.
"No, it's all right, Ronny, really," Marcy answered. "You boys relax, and I'll make us all some lunch."
Pudge flopped back onto the couch, while Ronny took the chair next to it.
"You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" Pudge asked quietly.
"No, of course not." Ronny paused, unable to think of what to say. "I mean, sometimes, even I, myself...never mind," he said quickly.
"But I thought you liked Suzy!" Pudge blurted, without thinking.
"I do! I did," Ronny protested, correcting himself. "She was...she was great."
There was a long, awkward silence between them.
"I loved her, in fact," Ronny finally said low, his voice nearly cracking. "I...I killed her...but I loved her."
"You could find forgiveness, Ronny," Pudge said automatically.
"Will that bring her back?!" Ronny snapped.
"The casserole is still heating!" Marcy answered crossly, as she returned. "That's why I'm coming back!" 
Ronny stared at her, an expression of hurt, fear, and confusion darkening his face.
"Mom...we were just talking about Suzy," Pudge explained quietly.
"Oh. I'm sorry, Ronny. I didn't realize." She sat down on the opposite end of the couch to Pudge. "Some people didn't care for her, but I liked her. She was a nice girl, for the most part."
"She was," Ronny nodded, putting his head in his hands. "And I killed her."
"Oh, honey, that was an accident," Marcy began.
"I killed her," Ronny repeated. "It was my fault. I should have been the one to die."
"Don't say that, Ronny!" Marcy corrected him sharply. "You didn't know any better!"
Instinctively Pudge reached out and put a hand on Ronny's back, then realized what he was doing and snatched it away self-consciously, stealing a furtive glance at his mother. He had been taught in church and school all of his life to avoid physical contact with the opposite sex, for fear of promoting lust, but now he was not sure what was okay for him and what wasn't. He had been forbidden to touch girls all his life, and taught to avoid lust all his life. But now these two things were clearly not the same. It didn't feel right to touch anyone now. And though he hadn't meant it in "that way," he was afraid Ronny and his mother would think he had.
Neither of them seemed to notice, fortunately. Marcy got up, crossing the room and knelt on the ground to be at Ronny's level.
"Ronny, look at me," she began, as he looked up. "No, Suzy should not have died. But you are not going to solve anything by hating yourself, and letting us, and the rest of the world, lose you too. The world has already lost one great young person, it doesn't need to lose another. You want to honor Susie, then make your life count for something--don't waste it or throw it away. Promise me you won't make us lose you too."
Silently, Ronny nodded, tears in his eyes.
"And Ronny, you can find forgiveness, too," she continued.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. McMercy," Ronny cut in, "I know you mean well, and I know you're just trying to help, but it's not going to bring her back, and it's not going to make me feel better."
"Well, all right, but at least think about what I said before."
Ronny nodded. "Okay." He actually, almost, felt a little bit better now.