Totally Hetero Pudge And Ronny: Chapter Five

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Marcy McMercy was curled in her in her nightgown, reading her bible before bedtime. She found it hard to concentrate, however, as she had a lot on her mind.
She had just realized that night that something was bothering her about Pudge, and had been bothering her for a while now. It had come to her attention with his words, "I hope you don't think I'm a bad Christian..." and she had actually found herself feeling relieved when he had talked of not witnessing to Ronny. Why had she been relieved? What had she been expecting?
Marcy tried to think of when she had first been troubled by his behavior. She couldn't quite put her finger on the source of the trouble, but she thought that he had changed somehow around age twelve. He had been a generally happy, carefree boy up to that time, then suddenly had gotten more quiet, a little more withdrawn.
She had once found a note from a girl, while looking for something in his room. It had been pretty innocuous: "Dear Pudge, I love you! You'll never guess who this is..."
It was unsigned, with a little heart at the end. Marcy had thought it was sweet, at the time.
She hadn't asked him about it then, but she suspected that Pudge would have been too shy to respond in kind, if he could. She would have been less strict than the teachers at his school and the leaders at their church, but she was afraid to say anything to others. She had heard, also, of kids disciplined at such schools for outside dating activities. It was one more way in which she had had to adjust to her church's doctrines. She had always noticed that it was the "godly authorities," or the leaders at her church, that said she should submit to the godly authorities (though others often parroted them, it seemed that the leaders had said it first). She hoped that that thought was not blasphemy, though it did make her wonder now and then...
She had joined her church shortly after her husband's death. She had loved her little boy's father, enough to become Marcy McMercy, in fact, and was looking for the same sense of security and support she had found in John McMercy. She had been "submitted" to him, though John was easy to submit to, so their marriage was mostly egalitarian in practice. John had been a strong Christian, who genuinely loved God and others, though he had rarely gone to Mass.
She had made the mistake of mentioning this very thing once, in front of her new friend Linda Lovejoy. Linda had simply said, "Oh," with first a surprised, then a sad, look on her face. Marcy knew exactly what that meant: That Linda thought Marcy's late husband, in fact, was not a "true" Christian, and was burning in hell right at that very moment--and forever. She had been humiliated at the time, and had never mentioned her husband's Catholicism again.
But they hadn't known John like she had. John had been a good Christian by being a good husband to her and, for a few years, a good father to Pudge. No, their marriage wasn't perfect, but their love had been real, and John's love for God had been as real as his love for her. Surely God would have understood if he had chosen the wrong denomination--or at least would have made sure that John knew the truth before being killed by a drunken driver?
Most of her church would not have agreed with her sentiments, she knew. But then, this was her husband. Did they want her to believe that her godly husband was in hell? She barely thought about it, for fear of not honoring God, but she couldn't bring herself to worship a god who would damn her strong Christian husband for a mistake made while worshiping Him.
It was shortly after her husband's death, while she was still very much grieving, that a group of ladies from Highland Church came to her door. She would normally respond as she did to Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, pretending she was not home or taking their tracts and telling them that she was too busy to talk to them, but this time she was hurting, exhausted from all the crying and the prospect of raising a toddler on her own, even with the help of her parents. She let them in, glad for at least someone to talk to, and glad that they seemed nice and admired Pudge, who was playing on the floor.
They wore ankle- or calf-length skirts, she noticed, which while flowery and feminine, were somewhat plain and out of fashion at the same time. She noticed their sugary-sweet smiles, and knew they considered her lost (especially when they glanced down at her jeans), but she agreed to go to church with them anyway.
She had found what she realized she was looking for--a community. Soon she was attending regularly, and soon after that she started wearing calf-length skirts too. She received surprised compliments for them, and knew that she was finally living up to her new Church's standards. Soon her parents were attending as well, with her mother wearing skirts.
She loved her church, and the community and friendships it provided, but had had to deal with a lot of pressure from them over the years. She was a widow, and therefore had no spiritual "head," or husband, to submit to, so everyone had suggestions for her for how to live her life and raise her son. She had had to fend off several "godly" men over the years, whom she felt would not be good to her child, or simply whom she did not love or had not felt that God had called her to marry. Always she had to contend with the verse exhorting younger widows to marry, but she did not feel called to do so. It did not help that one of these men told her pastor that God had told him that she was the one for him. He had been believed, and not her, for God had not told her that.
He was a strict disciplinarian, and was not fond of Pudge. He said that Pudge was too spoiled, though she knew that Pudge was only a happy child. She had to keep Melvin away from her son.
But she was told that Pudge needed a father figure, any father figure, as if God wasn't enough. She had almost left the church over this issue, until Melvin had left to take a job in another city. But it scared her, how close she had actually come to giving in to the pressure, wondering if it was from God, and marrying such a man.
"I'm sorry, Pudge," she said to herself, her eyes near tears. "I almost let you be raised by that monster..."
She had actually been terrified, earlier that night, making the call to Ace, as she had when standing up to her Church regarding Melvin. She had to stand up for herself and her son, but was scared, knowing herself to be weak against church pressure and her own doubts about her walk with God. She wondered what would happen if her church friends were truly wrong about something, or trying to do something that would harm her precious boy--like before.
She thought about that moment at dinner again, when for an instant she had feared what she was about to hear, feared for her son--in so many ways. If he differed significantly from their Church's doctrine, even if he was right and they were wrong, she didn't know how she would protect him--or give him the tools to protect himself...