Somewhat Hetero Pudge And Ronny: Chapter Eleven

 Still one hundred points each to whoever can guess where the four cameo appearances from Christian pop culture come from. Again, I will give out clues upon request. This is my Accelerated Christian Education fan fiction. For details, click on the "ACE Gay Porn" tab at the top of this site, or check out my Deviant Art page for more chapters here.


"Did you hear, I saw Victor the other day?" Ace asked they filed into the sanctuary.
"Huh?" Pudge's mind was preoccupied, and he barely heard Ace.
"He was buying a book by Stephen Hawking. That guy believes in the big bang!" Ace shook his head. "I told him that, but he made some excuse and bought it anyway. What was I going to do, bully someone in a wheelchair? I probably should have, though. That's probably why he bought it, in fact--listens to him because they're both the same. I think we need to pray for Victor. I think he's mad at God, for what happened to him. It wasn't God, though, that did that to him...Speaking of which, you seen Ronny anymore lately?"
"What? Oh, um, no, not really," Pudge shook his head, not wanting to explain everything to Ace, and he didn't have time to, anyway.
"Did you hear about this guest speaker?" Ace continued, gesturing towards the man walking with Pastor Alltruth. "He used to be homosexual. Isn't that disgusting? I'm just glad to hear that God delivered him."
"I don't know, Ace," Pudge said carefully. "Maybe he was a Christian, and tried to honor God..."
"What?!" Ace stopped, regarding him as if he was insane. "You know that there's no such thing..."
"Excuse me," said a strong, perfunctory voice. J. Michael Kindhart walked between them and strode purposefully, confidently up to the front of the church. He sat on the end of the first pew to the left, where the pastor's family normally sat, right next to Mrs. Alltruth. She seemed somewhat surprised at first, then smiled and nodded to J. Michael. He was a guest, after all.
Pudge knew that he was turning red; he shrugged and looked at the floor.
"We don't need to be excusing sin," Ace whispered. "I've got to sit down."
Ace went to sit with Christy and the kids, while Pudge found a seat next to his mother and grandparents. Pudge felt humiliated; he had not said anything about excusing sin. Now he was sinning just by being this way? He had not asked for this. Ace thinks I'm sinning just by existing, he thought bitterly. He wondered if God did too.
"Brothers and sisters," Pastor Alltruth addressed the congregation when everyone had found a seat, "we have a very special guest today," he nodded towards Reverend Ray, a big guy with blading dark hair standing to the side of the altar, "who has a very important message for us about God's power to deliver people from sin. But first, I must make a quick announcement. Cukey Lawrence will not be performing for the children's picnic this year."
There was a quiet, collective groan from the children in the pews, until their parents harshly silenced them.
"There was a...scandal," he continued delicately, "involving his manager, Robert Tomasina. I ask that you pray for both of these...men," he hesitated, as if he had thought of another word first. Reverend Ray frowned pensively.
Pudge cringed, noticing it all. He still had all of Cukey Lawrence's albums (autographed, of course), even as an adult. Even his hero was not safe. This Reverend Ray offered maybe a little hope, but he didn't know Reverend Ray, had even just met him a few minutes ago. It was different when he had grown up knowing Cukey Lawrence personally.
"We are still looking for suggestions for replacements," the pastor added.
J. Michael raised his hand, then stood up without waiting to be called on. "What about P. Salty?" he asked.
"Who is P. Salty?" Pastor Alltruth raised his eyebrows.
"He's a local Christian hip-hop artist. He loves the Lord, he's very spiritual." J. Michael's chin was tipped up, as he regarded Pastor Alltruth over his thick-rimmed black glasses. He said his words very deliberately, as if to make some kind of point.
"Hip-hop?" the elderly white pastor repeated, his mouth hanging open. "I don't think hip-hop was designed to honor God."
"Which is why he is redeeming it," J. Michael smiled. "What man intended for evil, God turns for good. It's an important part of black culture, and I'm glad to see that it's finally getting redeemed."
"I'm not sure that that would appeal to people in this church," Pastor Alltruth said slowly.
"This is the picnic for all three sister churches, correct? Perhaps each of the churches could pick someone." 
"'P. Salty' sounds like it has sexual overtones," Reverend Ray added quietly.
Pudge's eyes became wider. He wondered, with dread, if he would ever discover this for himself. Even the "P." sounded like something it shouldn't sound like--or did he just have a "Perverted" fixation?
"It's a reference to the 'salt and light' passage in the New Testament," J. Michael replied. "And his whole name is a reference to the book of Psalms."
"Ah, we will...think it over," Pastor Alltruth said uncomfortably. "Thank you for your suggestion, Michael, and thank you for joining us today as a guest."
"Actually, I will attending this church full-time soon," J. Michael announced proudly, addressing the rest of the chapel. "I am moving into this neighborhood. I want to settle down and start a family here."
Pudge noticed many looks of surprise on the faces of the all-white congregation. It made him wonder, for a minute, then he quickly dismissed the thought. God's people couldn't be racist, as they were all God's children. But there was a challenge in J. Michael's eyes which Pudge did not care for; it made J. Michael look uppity.
"I, ah, I didn't know that you were engaged, Michael." The pastor almost said it as if it were a question. "Congratulations," he said pointedly.
"I'm not, actually, but I'm sure I'll find a godly woman soon," he smiled. Several people squirmed as his eyes briefly flitted over the packed sanctuary.
"Of course. We will, um, we will discuss these matters later," Pastor Alltruth announced. "For now, I will turn the podium over to Reverend Ray. Why don't you tell us your personal testimony, Reverend?" he suggested, taking his seat beside J. Michael and whispering that he wished to talk with him after church.
"Of course," J. Michael answered with a smile that had a bitter edge to it. He had been preparing for this talk for a long time now.