A few weeks ago, I found a copy of the first Harry Potter book in a thrift shop, and was thrilled to buy it. I had been afraid to read Harry Potter when it first became popular and I became aware of it, since I was attending a "mainstream" evangelical Christian school at the time and was taught that it was demonic. My third-grade teacher told us a horror story about a man in her church who wanted to know what it was about, and so started reading it, and...
"He became addicted to it!" she related in a horrified, conspiratorial whisper.
I realize now that what happened was that he started reading them in order to warn others about them, because he thought they were demonic, and then ended up changing his mind because he liked them. But at the time, I imagined spiritual shackles, bondage to sin, and his relationship with God suffering, taking a back seat, and even being severed. (Funny how I didn't hear about the "once saved, always saved" doctrine in the early 2000s, nearly as much as I do now...)
My grandmother on my father's side (the more liberal side of the family) asked my parents if she could buy Harry Potter books for me. My parents asked me if I wanted to read them. I said no. My mother thought that they were likely demonic, but she let me have the choice, which I am grateful for today. She trusted me to make my own decisions on spiritual matters, even at ten and eleven years old. But I couldn't fathom reading something that I thought my parents might disapprove of, much less something that I thought would jeopardize my relationship with God and pull me into worshiping Satan and committing witchcraft. I worried and prayed for my grandmother's soul (and this was only one reason why, unfortunately for me and my relationship to her).
But then a decade and a half later, I found myself an agnostic atheist, staring at a paperback copy of Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone, for only twenty-five cents. I was surprised that the Catholic-owned charity shop, which gave away all their bibles for free, would sell it. I was sure that they wouldn't sell it in Harry Potter's heyday, probably would simply throw it in the trash, but as far as I know, all of the volunteers there are elderly, and someone may have forgotten how "bad" it was.
So I bought it, very eager to see what all the fuss was about, and I loved it. It was easier to read than most fantasy books I had come across, because it talked plainly of everyday life in our world (at first), with much whimsy and many keen observations about human behavior.
(I am onto the second book in the series, Harry Potter And The Chamber of Secrets, now. I guess I'm addicted, though my third-grade teacher wouldn't think much of my relationship to God today--though I don't think I would have a bad relationship to him or her, if God exists.)
A few days later, I got into a little...spat, on Facebook, with someone who was quite homophobic, and whose witnessing style consisted of literally threatening people with hell and "God's judgement." He took issue to my rainbow face, since it was just after the Supreme Court victory.
With one of his "friends," they ganged up on me, he asking me if I was Catholic as a Christian, and his "friend" at one point asking, "Were you saved, AJ? Do you believe that Jesus rose from the dead?"
That one really threw me for a loop. I had heard that line so many times, and would have even said it myself, if I had had the courage and not been a shy, homeschooled teenager. My first reaction was to roll my eyes.
My second reaction was different. It was a little painful for me to contemplate, since I tried so hard to get close to God and to please him (and I did not simply forget to say the sinners prayer and mean it, and I did not try to earn my salvation with works). If there is something to be saved from, and if sincerity counts for anything, I know I was, and am, saved.
That was the gist of my reply. What I didn't tell them was that a part of me, if God was real, was hurt that he had apparently let me just let me lose my faith, and possibly (if these people were right), my salvation. I had begged God to show himself to me, in fact, so that I could still believe in him.
The one with the more palatable witnessing style gave me the usual sales pitch, about how I could get close to God, with this little gem tacked on:
"You can be the man God wants you to be."
I started howling with laughter. I had always thought my short name was gender-neutral, and even feminine, with how many female characters on TV have that name, though I have yet to be taken for a woman. Yet that is what I am.
This homophobic person, basically, was saying that God wants me to be transgender!
I told them as much, and said that I was sorry, but I just couldn't stop laughing. The nice Christian "LOL-ed" along with me, but I don't think the angry dude ever forgave me for my comments (including that Jesus was bi), or for not getting saved then and there.
(What neither of them realized was that my pseudofaith is progressive Christian, not evangelical, so that if I got saved tomorrow, I would still be just as rainbow as ever, among other things--and they would still be worried about my soul, and we would still be arguing over the same exact things.)
I later saw the angry guy telling someone to stop smoking pot, because that was sorcery. I said hello to Angry Guy, and turned on the charm (if you know what I mean).
He said that if I got saved, God would deliver me from "the curse of being homo." I told him that that's not how it works, that many Christians struggle with homosexual feelings, even if they thought it was wrong. He then said this to me:
"stay cursed aj your not my problem." (sic)
He repeated the "stayed cursed" line once or twice within that same conversation. When I realized what he was doing, I was flabbergasted.
He was condemning someone else for "sorcery," then literally trying to use Jesus to put a curse on me!
Suddenly Harry Potter didn't seem so bad anymore. I asked him why he was doing this, but got no response.
I am convinced that by "stay cursed," he didn't mean that he was okay with my being "homo," but that he wanted my life to be bad, and possibly that he wanted to consign me to hell (he sometimes even added "LOL" to his threats of fire and brimstone).
How is some Christians' "spiritual warfare" techniques not just like the "witchcraft" they condemn, in all its forms? The only difference is that they try to use Jesus, not demons, as they accuse many others of doing. They are trying to get power from spiritual forces, just as they accuse others of doing. The only difference that they believe their power is good, and more powerful than that of others--in other words, evangelical Christians are white witches by another name.
Yet what if Jesus doesn't want me to be cursed? What if he is not okay with people trying to use his power to curse others? I know I wouldn't be. Maybe they aren't "true" Christians, if they're doing this. "Lord, Lord, did we not drive out demons in your name...?"
"This may not be the last time you hear this," I said, "'I tell you the truth, I never knew you.'"
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