I wrote recently about what I would do if my child were an evangelical, and convinced I was going to hell. I couldn't stop thinking about that scenario since finding a book called "Letters From A Skeptic," by Dr. Gregory A. Boyd and Edward K. Boyd, about that very situation.
I imagine that an evangelical child, friend, etc, of mine would have a harder time convincing me than the co-author had of convincing his father (and it was a long correspondence), because I don't just take the evangelical Christian version of God as a given, as the default version. I have what I call my "If List," based on what I know of goodness, love, and loving behavior.
I remember my Christian homeschooling textbooks, Accelerated Christian Education curriculum, mentioning a story from the middle ages, The Holy War (really!),by John Bunyan (At least, that's what John Bunyan tells us in the introduction, as he says he didn't steal the story from anyone!). This story portrays the attack on the town of Mansoul, by a figure who was most obviously Jesus. Years later, I had a chance to download a copy for free (for it's not copyrighted, obviously) and read it for myself, so I did.
Mansoul's defenses were nothing more than its wickedness and stubbornness, it seems. The residents didn't want to listen, so the forces of Jesus took a battering ram to the Ear Gate, in spite of the town's protests. Many Christians have since adopted that style, and use it heavily to this day.
Christians often want to "break through" their family members' unbelief, and they often think that that is all that is necessary to get them to accept evangelicalism. Because to them, evangelicalism is Christianity, or it is a belief in God. They take it for granted that to accept some of the "Truth(TM)," you have to accept all of it (their beliefs) as true. I have seen famous Christian apologists in debates do this same exact thing.
Edward K. Boyd took it for granted at the start that if God existed, it was his son's version of God. That his son knew more about a potential god, and what that god would look like, than he did.
Now, I know that he is probably very proud of his son, especially having a kid who is so well-educated in religion, and probably a good and loving person too...but does that mean his son was right, even if God existed? Does that mean that Edward Boyd should not have come to his own conclusions, independent of what his son believed? If he cheats off his son's test paper, what if his son is wrong?
If my evangelical loved ones were ever to prove to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there was a god; if they were to totally and utterly obliterate my atheism for all time...they would still fear for my soul. I know they would--I have conservative evangelical relations, and they don't even know that I'm an atheist (yet), and yet my parents and I have still been treated as if we were "lost."
My atheism is just one, relatively thin, layer, on top. And my belief in love, and what I know of loving behavior, is much, much stronger than my belief that God is unlikely to exist. Atheism is just statistics to me, just what I think of the world, while the inner layer is my deeply-cherished values. Obliterating my views of statistics and evidence is not enough to make me question my values.
Since writing the post "If," I have become aware that I have some sort of secondary beliefs, a conditional belief system of "If God is real, she is like this..."
Atheism is my main "category," that I would put myself in, but unlike what seems to be the case with most other atheists, I have a secondary category, a backup system, in case God is proven to exist (and nothing more). I would probably either be "spiritual" or at most, a progressive Christian.
I have been asked before why I care about the conduct or beliefs of Christians (sometimes about or towards other Christians), when I'm not one, and also once politely told, about a debate online regarding a certain topic (homosexuality and gay Christians, as usual), "This topic concerns Christians, not really atheists."
I was flabbergasted! Guess which Christian in this debate was the evangelical? None of the progressive Christians were bothered by my being there (of course, I was disagreeing with the evangelical, which is probably why I wasn't welcome, in his opinion). I told him that I thought a lot about what God would look like, if God was real (and good), and asked him why my being an atheist meant that I wasn't welcome there and couldn't have an opinion on this subject?
I guess that shut him up. He ignored that comment and went on to others.
When I first thought about this thing I had, other than atheism, I thought of the word, "Pseudopod." An insect or amoeba often has something that looks like a foot, that acts like a foot, but is not quite a foot. A pseudopod.
I have a thing that acts like a faith, that often looks like a faith, but is not a faith. A pseudofaith. I only believe in this pseudofaith if God can be proven to exist.
Some would say that the presence of my pseudofaith means or proves that I'm not really an atheist. I imagine that both some atheists and some theists might have a problem with it.
But I don't really care. This is what I know of love. And more than I'm an atheist, more than anything...I believe in love.
And if I go to hell for that, so be it. At least I will know that I loved.
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