Thursday, June 9, 2016

Pastor Assclown In Drag

I wonder, just a little bit, if my ex-friend, the closeted/homophobic Pastor Assclown, tried to put a "hedge of thorns" or some other "spiritual warfare" thing in my life, a few months ago. I had this very strange dream at that time, in which he tried to curse me, and I broke the curse in the name of Jesus.
I know that the address on this site contains the word "atheist," but it is an old name. I don't know if the atheists will have me, anymore, since I hope God is real, if God is good (and I don't think God is all-powerful, if she is good; there's no way).
I still don't know for sure if Jesus even existed or not, and I probably will never know. But I am grateful for the useful psychological trick, if it is nothing else. That's one of the few good things left over from my desperate-for-God's-approval evangelical background.

I had a dream that I had a roommate, a young woman who called herself Divine. She was trying to put a voodoo curse on me, which I discovered by finding her chocolate voodoo dolls. (Yes, I ate them! They were delicious.) But later, we were eating dinner together, and the food kept spilling all over me. I realized that she had cursed my food to do just that, and she was laughing hysterically at me.
I got tired of it all, so I looked down at my plate, and said, "I break you, cursed food, in the name of Jesus!"
She stopped laughing. Then she took on her true form, which to my surprise was Pastor Assclown. I looked straight at him, and said, "You picked the wrong girl to fuck with!"
He just stared at me in astonishment, so I went on, "You know how you're gay? I did that!"
I told him that I cursed him to be gay, since I knew that he couldn't break that in the name of Jesus. I was confident that that would not happen, since if it could, my kind gay Christian friend, Michael, would still be with his wife, and not his husband. Even the husband would still be with his wife.
And I wanted to look powerful, more powerful than Pastor Assclown's magic. I also wanted him to realize that since he couldn't break that with spiritual warfare, then maybe it was something that was not actually a curse or from the devil.

I woke up, and realized that he had been disguised as a girl. He had been in drag! And he had called himself Divine, after the drag queen that Ursula, the Sea-Witch from The Little Mermaid, was based upon. And he was a witch, trying to curse me!
He was also closeted, like I suspect all homophobes by default. He had not denied that he was gay, had not even been able to answer me--had simply stared at me. I then realized that I had a plastic figure of Ursula literally sitting on a shelf in my closet. This was in real life. I still have that Ursula statue.
The layers and layers of meaning are incredible, to me at least. But I do know one thing for sure: If he did indeed try to declare spiritual warfare on me, then he picked the wrong girl to fuck with. I couldn't have said it better myself!

A sea-witch and a mermaid. And lots of cats.

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