Advice To My Christian Self

 See also the next post, Advice To My Atheist Self.

As a young teenager and product of Christian schools, I lived with constant anxiety and perfectionism. I wish that someone had told me these things then, and that I had had the ability to put them into practice.

1. Trying harder will not make you closer to God. "If I could just pray more, or maybe fast, if I could just read the Bible again, maybe I should start memorizing verses--oh, don't do all that, just relax and wait for that still small voice, but I can't relax, I just wish He would reveal Himself to me..." I was so desperate to feel close to God, as everyone else seemed to be. I was looking for love and comfort, and I am still learning how to give those things to myself.

2. Your life is not impure or polluted. Getting rid of things you think are impure or demonic will not get you closer to God. God is not being prevented from revealing himself to you because of a toy or a movie. After getting rid of almost everything I was fond of, it made no difference. He was still a million miles away.

3. If you just "think" or feel like God is telling you to do something, don't assume. Not because it's really the devil, but you could have a lot of embarrassing or awkward situations for nothing. You could also waste a lot of time and effort. Think before you act, and don't feel pressured to "just do something."

4. Don't worry about your thoughts. A teacher told me once that the devil wanted me to think about anything other than God. I was so sad not to be able to pretend I was a superhero anymore. Later I stressed myself out constantly and found it impossible to relax because I was scared to death of committing sin in my mind.

5. Don't trust God, trust yourself. You may not always believe the way you do now about your religion. Ironically, when I stopped trusting God, that's when I started trusting life. I trust that if there is some truth that I'm missing, eventually I will find it.

Above all, I would have had a much easier time of it if I had learned to simply relax. If I had stopped being a Christian, and learned to be a kid.

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