6 Creepy and Disturbing Christian Songs

 (Edit: Trigger warning, for the third entry ("Wide Open") for talking about torture and rape.)

 I remember all of these songs from my (VERY) Christian days, as a teenager, and they all, looking at them now, are pretty fucked up. Most of them bothered me, for various reasons, even then, though the Casting Crowns entry only looks much worse today.
While looking these songs up recently, I commented on all of these videos, under the name "Atheist Journey," to see if and how someone would respond. If I get any responses, I will share them here on my blog in another post.
Here they are, in order from least troublesome to most:


1.) Having A Jesus-Gasm: "Trading My Sorrows" by Darrel Evans

Even when I was nine years old, I watched TV. And I knew that on TV, people tended to say "Yes, Yes, YES!" while rolling around naked under sheets with each other, likely having sex. So when, in church, I sang "Yes, Lord, yes, Lord, yes, yes, Lord," it made me rather uncomfortable. Even today, this song sometimes pops into my head while I'm masturbating (I thought of not sharing that, but the verse does talk about "trading my shame...".

My Comment:

"Even as a child, this song always made me think of sex (I watched TV). Sometimes I still think of the chorus while masturbating." (Update July 9, 2015: Somebody replied to me, "I am praying for your deliverance." Ha-ha!)



2.) Seducing Jesus: "Let My Words Be Few" by Rebecca St. James
(I've never understood why this song is so long, if the words are supposed to be so few.)
In this rendition, Rebecca St. James turns this classic praise song into an erotic, Jesus-seducing nightmare. All of the gasps and moans are especially creepy in a song about being "so in love" with Jesus.
The first gasp comes around 0:24. The next major one comes at 1:16. There's a little moan at the end of the word "awe," and in much of the song, she almost sounds flirtatious. At 2:20 there's an "ohhh..." (And those are not all; I've actually let my words be few about the total number of off-putting exhalations.)

My Comment:

"This song is as erotic as I remember, with all of the gasps and moans and "ohhh..."'s. :)


3.) Jesus Gets Nailed: "Wide Open" by Newsong

(Edit: Trigger warning for talking about torture and rape.)

Christian band Newsong has managed to create a song glorifying crucifixion, not Jesus. Though there are many songs that do this, this was the worst one that I have heard. Here are the offending lyrics:

"Wide open, wide open, they nailed his arms wide open
After three days, in a cold grave, the power of sin was broken
Now with outstretched arms, he welcomes in, everyone who trusts in him
His nailed-scarred hands hold heaven's gates wide open..."

I must admit that the verse is rather catchy and even inspiring, talking about God making a way to be reconciled to humanity. And yet he could only do it through brutal torture (which doesn't make him look either good or powerful).
But I was uncomfortable singing the chorus even as a Christian, due to the graphic nature of it.
To illustrate what I mean, imagine a similar sacrifice: A mother volunteers to be raped, in order to protect her child from the rapist. So I decide to write a song about the mother's brave sacrifice, and it goes like this:

"Wide open, wide open 
They spread her legs wide open..."

If that isn't offensive, I don't know what is. Torture should be treated with the same delicacy and tact that sexual abuse merits, especially if one loves the survivor as much as Christians say they love Jesus. Two thousand years may have been a long time to recover from something so traumatic, especially for a god, but it still feels like it's much too soon to me.

My Comment:

 "Really catchy tune, but this song always made me extremely uncomfortable. It's like it glorifies suffering rather than willingness to suffer."


4.) A Little Boy Is In Denial: "The Christmas Shoes" by Newsong

 Oh god, Newsong, not again. How did you make the list twice?
This song is basically about a little boy who, even though his mother is dying, leaves her side to buy her a pair of shoes:

"Sir, I want to buy these 
Shoes for my mama, please
It's Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir
Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Mama meets Jesus tonight"

This song made me sick. The little boy is obviously afraid that he will not get home in time to give his mother her present before she dies. Then why is he even at the store? Did his dad send him there, so he wouldn't see his mother die, or did he think that the shoes "would make her smile" more than spending as much time as possible with her own child?
And does he think that she'll take the shoes to heaven with her? Does he think her body will just disappear, clothes and all (if so, he might be in for a traumatic surprise), or does he think that, because she had shoes in this life, she'll suddenly get a pair of fancy soul-shoes in heaven too? Does that mean that people will still be rich or poor in heaven? Any way you think about this, the implications are horrifying.
It even has an unitentional commercial message too:

"I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love
As he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent that little boy
To remind me what Christmas is all about"

So Christmas is all about shoes and presents rather than being there for your loved ones? What does that say about "Heaven's love"? He hadn't even gone to the store having enough money for a present, so what was he there for? To look at potential Christmas presents while his mother dies?
Had he gone expecting to ask strangers for help, and if so, is there even a dying mother at all? Maybe his parents are making him run a scam so that they can resell the shoes or take them back for a refund. No one would dare refuse if he had that story.

My comment:

"He is obviously afraid that he won't get home in time to give his mother her present before she dies. Why isn't he at her side? Wouldn't she want that more than a pair of shoes? This is a horrible song. Is this the message we want to tell children of dying or ill parents? That their parents want presents more than time with them?"


5.) Horrifying Belief In Hell: "Here I Go Again" by Casting Crowns

In this concert video, I saw scenes that were all too familiar, that I lived: a teenage girl with her hands straight up in the air in worship, probably trying to "feel" God's presence (2:54); what I believe is the same girl, sitting down and holding her hands in a praying pose, probably praying desperately for a loved one (3:27); and what appeared to be a mother and daughter, arm in arm, singing along and swaying together with sad looks on their faces (3:40). It was very haunting, especially combined with the lyrics:

"Father, hear my prayer 
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You

I don't know what to say 
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend 
Slowly fade away

(bridge)
So maybe this time, I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear 
Is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?

(chorus)
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain 
And mulling over things
That won't live past today

And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance
To tell him that You love him
But here I go again"

Literally all of the lyrics are disturbing, from an atheist standpoint (or even one that recognizes the effects of the belief in hell). The singer is probably afraid to say anything because he's afraid of how his friend will respond, or perhaps because he has doubts about the reality of hell, or whether it's really moral for God to send people there. Maybe he knows that mentioning his own beliefs will drive a wedge between him and his friend in the little time his friend has left, or maybe he knows that his friend needs to think less about death, not more.
Whatever the case, it gets much worse in the second verse:

"Lord, You love him so
You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe
He will never die..."

So "just believing" becomes a choice now? How can he choose to believe, if he does not believe? It sounds like the singer just wants him to pretend to believe, so he can "get saved." But then it gets even worse:

"But how then will he know
What he has never heard?
Lord, what he has never seen
Mirrored in my life..."

He thinks that his friend has literally never heard of Jesus as God. This is a white, western guy singing, so it's probably safe to say that his friend is white and western, or at least knows the singer's religious beliefs.
The last line is probably the one to incite the most proselytizing, in my opinion. It's a tactic to shame people into being more "loving," with strings attached (hearing the "gospel").
The rest is a repeat of the bridge and chorus, followed by a soft, "You love him, You love him, what am I so afraid, what am I so afraid of...?"

My Comment:

"This man in the song is losing his friend, and all he can think about is the friend burning in hell for all eternity. It sounds like either God is not all-loving (sending people to hell) or not all-powerful (helpless to stop people from going to hell). This is why I hate the doctrine of hell so much."

 And now, the worst offender of them all...

6.) Pain And Denial: "Never Alone" by BarlowGirl

This song sums up my Christian experience, and much of my early teens, all too well. Even as a very devout Christian kid, I recognized it for what it was. I knew all about the pain and anger and grief of praying my heart out, repeatedly, and getting no reply at all, not even a little feeling of peace.
I also knew what it was like to chant bible verses and Christian slogans, trying desperately to reassure myself.
I wished even then that this song was simply about her loneliness and grief, wondering what was wrong with her that God didn't want anything to do with her. The way she suddenly shifts gears feels very fake, and it's quite unsatisfying to see her swallow her pain like this.
 "She is in denial about her true feelings," I thought at the time. But of course I knew that no Christian song would be allowed to be about a real human struggle without a sudden bait-and-switch.
I had seen it many times before: "Oh, we're going to say something that could be remotely bad about God--here we go--oh, no, we're not! Fooled you!"
It was such an old "trick" that it was perfectly expected, and not at all surprising. I remember feeling very disappointed in this song. Finally, I had found permission to talk about what I was really feeling, finally I could process it all without having to add something "good" onto the end of it, without feeling pressure to have a "happy," god-fearing ending.
But no, this song had tricked me. I had that permission, and then I didn't, all because the members of BarlowGirl couldn't deal with their feelings towards God either. It's like their emotions are finally starting to be processed, they're finally admitting them, and then suddenly they're back in denial, and their true emotions are back in the closet, never to see the light of day again. They were finally being "real," real people with real struggles and real pain. Then suddenly, they're perfectly devout Christians again, having to put a happy, godly ending on every instance of pain. It was extremely frustrating then, and it still is now.

"I waited for You, today
But You didn't show, no, no, no
I needed You today 
So where did You go?

You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

(chorus):
 I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

(2nd verse)
And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
 
  (chorus)

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

The song starts out sad and operatic, then slams the word "alone" into the listener with the guitar intro: "Neee-verrr...ALONE!"
And after all of the talk about "deep, deep reassurance" and, later, how God cannot separate from her, and how she will "trust the unseen," again the grief and denial is repeated: "I cried out with no reply, and I can't feel You by my side..."
This is the only one I found with an actual music video. In this song about grief and loneliness, the band members are actually smiling in some places in this video, especially towards the end. If they're anything like me, those smiles were to reassure themselves as much as others. There is also shown a man, tied up and hopeless. He eventually gets out of his ropes...alone. What is meant to be symbolic of God freeing him from despair, is in actuality the man freeing himself.

My Comment:

 "I always hated this song, even as a Christian. Finally, someone was being real about their struggle to get close to God, and then suddenly, they weren't. This song tricked me. They had to put a positive, Christian spin on everything, or they were bad Christians and God would get mad. I hated having to put a happy, hopeful ending on everything as a Christian. Why can't someone just be "real" for once?"

That's a question I often ask myself about Christians (and others): Why can't they just be "real" for once? I still haven't figured it out.

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