Though I try to avoid discussing LGBTQ issues, almost all the time, I recently found myself in such a discussion, in the comment section on a video of a trans man's transition. And surprisingly, this little argument did not upset me, because I realized something while discussing this--and told the other person as much.
(Though first, I shut another transphobe up by telling him that it would be all right, that he would someday be able to come out and transition, and that in the meantime, I could be his friend if he needed one. Haven't heard from him since. Maybe he really DID protest too much, as I suspected! I certainly hope she is all right.)
I think my great discovery will become apparent in this exchange:
Transphobe: "Because we should all love and support a mental illness"
Me: "Even if you think that, they are harming no one, and Leelah Alcorn
killed herself because her parents tried to "treat" her against her
will. She's not the only one, either, by far. It's either supporting a "mental
illness" or dead trans kids. And I guess we all know what you would
rather have.
With this attitude, you will kill your child, if it is
trans. I'm not joking or exaggerating--no one intends to kill their kids
by driving them to suicide. But it happens, and far too often. And it
CAN happen to you and your kids."
Him: "I'm saying that we shouldn't encourage people to be trans. We should try
to help them be normal, but we should never actively praise and love a
trans person. I would still love my child if he was trans, but I would
much rather he be normal"
One particular phrase stuck out to me here: "We should never actively praise and love a trans person."
I think that was a Freudian slip, right there! How many times have Christians (I don't know if he is one, though he unfortunately sounds like one) said that Jesus was all about "actively loving" people (even if they don't use those exact words)?
Jesus went out of his way to love people, especially those judged sinful by society.
(And remember, also, that he only told people to stop sinning literally two times--once when he saved a woman from the consequences of her sin--death--and another time when he had healed a man of chronic illness. What have anti-gay Christians ever done for LGBTQ people, especially of that magnitude? Jesus earned that right; he didn't just sit on his butt and judge! He even told a young man that his sins were forgiven, before the man had said anything at all about repenting. He also said it was faith that saved/healed people, not repentance. People make repentance an idol.)
The man I was arguing with, though, said that we shouldn't "actively love" someone! I still can't believe he said that. He said that we shouldn't go out of our way to love someone. I don't think he meant to--but subconsciously, I think that's what he really meant. At the very least, he is very much hobbled in his efforts to love a trans person, because of his beliefs. And that's why I don't think his beliefs true at all.
Me: "We should never actively praise and love a trans person." I can't
believe you just said that! You literally said we shouldn't love a trans
person--then you want me to believe that you will love your kid if they
are trans?...Have you ever listened to a trans person's story? If so--then why are you hurting people like this?
And most of all--why wouldn't you just be grateful that your child was still alive? That's what I would be! Why wouldn't you?"
Him: "I will love them, buy I would never want or like them to be trans. We
should treat it as any other mental illness, which it is. You can still
love them, but you should never praise people who have it"
Me: "BULLSHIT. They are being themselves, and harming no one. And it's often
down to either being themselves, or killing themselves. So YES, I will
praise the shit out of them! And your trans kid will turn to someone
like me for help, and not you--because your love comes with caveats, and
mine does not."
I had gotten upset at first, but now I wasn't.
And I will praise the shit out of them! :) I realized that I am at an advantage here. I can simply say to a trans person, "I love you," while he can't. He has
to say, "I love you, but..." I win! =D
And frankly, I think that is the best case for an affirming God I've
ever heard of. Not having to say, "I love you, but..." My love has no
buts.
I don't have unconditional love, with conditions (caveats about behavior/identity/love are conditions). I don't have to hurt people, in order to love them. Especially when they are harming no one, and my potential objection would be to their very identity, their very self--or their love.
I remember wishing, many years ago, that I could be LGBT affirming as a Christian. And now I can, though my relationship with God and the concept of God is a bit more complicated now ("Atheist Journeys" is an old name, so you can see where I've been in my personal journey, and I now feel stuck between the affirming Christian and atheist worlds). I can be affirming. I can just love people, without hurting them (if they are not hurting others, which is the case for most LGBTQ people). I don't have to contribute to a culture that often drives people, especially teens and kids, to suicide.
And I can praise the shit out of them, if the occasion calls for it. :)
And that is just one of the many great gifts that comes from losing a very conservative faith.
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